T Oddity
I was at the Porter Sq. T station a few days ago when I spotted this message on the electronic sign:
Josephine, please report to the MBTA.
What could this possibly mean?
I was at the Porter Sq. T station a few days ago when I spotted this message on the electronic sign:
Josephine, please report to the MBTA.
What could this possibly mean?
that's right, not bizarro, just bizarre.
Today I watched someone get into their car, which was parked at a meter, then start the car, drive it the next meter, get out of the car and check that meter to see if it had any time remaining. Lather, rinse, repeat up the street until he found a meter with enough time for him. He apparently hasn't calculated the difference between his cost savings and what his time is worth. I didn't, either, as I sat and observed this, but at least it was entertainment for me.
Later when going home, I saw a grown, well dressed man, in his 40's at least, slide down the handrail on the stairs to the train.
Is there something in the water...
Meanwhile... it's only spring training, but the Red Sox beat the Yankees!
Somebody scrape me up off the floor. I don't know whether to laugh or cry because this held the City of Boston hostage today:

It seems that suspicious devices were spotted on bridges, overpasses, in subway stations and other public places. The devices -- described ominously as being "composed of electronic circuit boards with LED lights attached" -- were shaped like little glowing figures who seemed angry.
Boston Police, State Police, Bomb Squads, road closures, T shut down, traffic, traffic and more traffic ensued. Legal action is threatened. WHY?
a guerilla marketing campaign for the Adult Swim TV show "Aqua Teen Hunger Force
The boxy characters are named Err and Ignignokt and appear to be raising their middle fingers and giving obscene gestures. Err is described on the "Aqua Teen Hunger Force" website as "rebellious and angry."I hate to even give more publicity to this farce of a show, however, when a member of the hunger force is:
I HAVE to share.
But I'm still starting up a boycott of this show. But hey, let's face it, the chances that I would be watching something called Aqua Teen Hunger Force are absolute zero, so don't know how much good that will do.
Attack of the Mooninites
Suspicious packages part of Turner Broadcasting marketing campaign
Turner tricksters should pay
None of this means I'm forgetting about you, Michael Ross, Boston City Councilor, and your parking violations. For shame!
Recently, a new guy started at friend of mine's office. He's the gossip of the single women because he's cute and appears available. However, there is something suspicious about him.. he wears a fanny pack - a large one - in the office - all the time. He never removes it. When he sits at his desk, he rotates it from his back to his front so he can sit down.
"What is up with the fanny pack?" has apparently become the phrase of the office. Today my friend was sitting in a meeting when her co-worker showed her the email she received via Blackberry, a response from the office busy body they had put on the case. It said - he must be single because no woman would let him leave the house with that fanny pack.
What possible explanation could there be?? Inquiring minds want to know!
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well, not really....

but I'm in their little blogging module as someone talking about an article. Cool!-----
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23rd and 5th.. because J-Mo said so and because sometimes I get bored.
1. Delve into your blog archive.
2. Find your 23rd post.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.
They were almost translucent and me and my sister would capture them and put them in our sand pail.
I don't believe this sentence is grammatically correct, but I'm leaving it as is.-----
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2 from Boston.com:

A. The space shuttle flies on top of a regular jumbo jet?
B. The Rolling Stones have their own tab (they are playing in Fenway this weekend). Information designers all around the world cringe.
C. I read this morning that there was a real Smokey the Bear. He was a bear cub rescued from a forest fire in 1950 who was then brought to live at the national zoo. In 1968, he was more popular with children than Bullwinkle. At one point he received so much fan mail, he was given his own zip code. Remember: only YOU can prevent forest fires.-----
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I have been working with someone outside of my company on an event. I have to assume this person is extremely young because her emails are full of CAPS, exclaimation points!, unnecessary bolding (or the BOLD/CAP combo) and smilies. ;)
Today she sent me an email with some information which made no sense and I responded: is this a typo? And her response was:
SHEESH! Good thing you asked me. :)
It IS a typo. That would have been a double whammy mess up. GA. :(
When people say that kids are graduating from college completely unprepared for the work world, I'm beginning to see their point.-----
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Regular readers know that I am easily amused (thank goodness, because otherwise I'd be crazy).
So the amusement of the day came during a trip to 7-11. They didn't have any Diet Coke in a can, so I went over to the Big Gulp stand where you can get 32 oz., 64 oz. and did I see a 96 oz. soda? Good grief, I don't need that much. Fortunately, there is a baby size: 20 oz. More than sufficient. I pull out the cup and fill it up. All the other cups declare in huge letters: BIG GULP! But the 20 oz. size just says: Gulp! I was laughing the entire time I was in line to pay.
Told you I'm easily amused.-----
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In the last six months I have had more than a few of those momments where I thought to myself: is this really happening right now? Am I really here? A few days ago I had a momment that really stands out among the unbelievable momments..
I was at the gym and came whipping around a corner to get to my locker when I nearly stumbled across an elderly woman sitting on a stool. I'd say she weighed in at about 300 lbs. She was butt naked... just sitting on the stool.
My thoughts were (in order):
1. Arrghhhh! My eyes! That is not something I ever wanted to see.
2. That stool is where I put my bag while I get stuff out of the locker. Who is cleaning that?
3. Eeeeewwwwwwww!
4. I am so mean.. this poor older person. But, please God, don't let me be old, 300 lbs and sitting naked on a public stool... please!
But it gets better. She shows absolutely no inclination of moving so I can get to my locker. What am I supposed to do here. What to do? What to do? Time ticks by and finally I just ask her to let me by and she does.
I proceed to open my locker and go about my business when I hear: my zippers stuck! My zippers stuck! Can you help me? And I'm thinking: oh, she had better not be talking about her pants. I turn slowly and fortunately for me, it was only the zipper of her bag that was stuck. So there I was helping a naked, 300 llb., elderly person sitting on a stool with the zipper of her bag trying desperately not to see any part of her anatomy (and believe me, it was tough), thinking: am I really here right now? Is this really happening?-----
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For awhile now the bathroom wall in my office as been the well known acronym:
WWJD?
Today someone wrote underneath:
Jesus wouldn't write on bathroom walls.
hahaha.. perhaps I'm just too easily entertained.-----
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I just called the insurance adjustor and his voicemail message said something like this:
Today is Fri. May 27 and I will be out of the office, returning on Tues. May 31. If you need immediate assistance...
Got a little ahead of himself, I'd say.-----
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Brilliant! Why didn't I think of it?
My personal theory on her is that somewhere between 2 and 3, the premarital sex ban was called off and he was so bad she said: I'm out of here!-----
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I've been eagerly awaiting the results of the Brigham's Wicked Good Boston Accent competition (as judged by Adam of Universal Hub) and here they are.
Of course, I'm still wondering about 2 things:
1. Why is it Wicked Good Accent.. should it be Wicked Awesome or Wicked Pissa?
2. This content was done in part to announce their new Wicked Chocolate flavor. Um.. why are they introducing new flavors when the don't appear to have renamed the Reverse the Curse flavor yet???-----
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This morning in Boston it was 60 degrees. This afternoon in Boston it will drop to the 30's with a chance of snow. Even though I've lived here my whole life, I still am surprized sometimes at the weather.
* in 1996 I went to Austin and the souvenir stores were all selling t-shirts that said: This is Austin Not Boston! I'm still not exactly sure what that means, but I took it to mean they had some kind of inferiority complex regarding a northern city with a rhyming name.-----
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There I was, sitting in my office. A co-worker came in to talk to me and suddenly pointed out the window behind me and exclaims:
"Naked Men!"
I swivel around quicky and there, indeed are 2 naked guys looking out the window of a building across the street. Buff guys. Um, hel-lo!
I turn back around to my co-worker, who is waving across to them. Then I turn back to them just in time to see them pulling the curtains closed.
True story.
I've done a little investigation and discovered that the building across the street is a hotel frequented by gay men. This could a regular occurance in my life. Dare I turn my desk around to face the window?? ;)-----
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does laundry detergent freeze after being left in the trunk of your car for a few days with temperatures around zero (because you had too much to carry and couldn't be bothered with it)??
Yes it does. Yes. it. does.-----
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Interesting things I have experienced or thought recently:
Today, as has happened every day since the great Blizzard of '05, the train was moving at the speed of a snail on downers. As a result the train packed to the gills, as they say. The train keeps making these jerky stop and start moves, so I�m holding on for dear life* when the woman sitting next to me begins pulling the sleeve of my coat. I look down and she says, in her best �I�m trying to be discrete, but I need to be loud enough for you and everyone else around you to hear me� voice: you�re fly is down. A fact that I had already sensed a few minutes earlier, but had done nothing about because it would be a complete operation to fix this issue. I would have to put my book back in my bag, remove my gloves, and most importantly release my grip from the pole. Now, I can�t release my grip from the pole because if I do, some other hand will take my space and the handle above is too high for me to reach. I will end up wobbling all over the place while we are jerking the whole ride. You can understand why I had made the decision that the fly was just going to have to stay down, yes? Until this woman, who was meaning to be nice, I�m sure, brought it to everyone�s attention. What does one do in this situation? Am I now forced to go through the whole rigmarole because everyone now knows? I look left, I look right. No one is making eye contact with me. I look out the window. I think about it. Nope, I�m not doing it. Zipper be damned.
* let�s see how many clich�s use in this entry, shall we?-----
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They say the country is divided almost 50/50 politically. Well, based on two conversations I overheard: older people in Maine represent the nation. Maine, a state with 2 moderate Republican senators, but primarily considered a Blue state.
Situation 1:
Walking by a group of older men sitting on a bench. They are the kind of guys who look like they should be fishing - the kind of guys who look like they would say "you can't get there from here" in that Maine (notably different from a Boston) accent.
Oldtimer 1: they say Kerry has raised more money from people in California than from Massachusetts.
Oldtimer 2: it's all those liberals out there! Geez!
{disgusted snorts all around from the old timers}
That and California is significantly larger than Massachusetts doesn't seem to occur to them.
Situation 2:
In line in the small town store - an older, grandmotherly woman in front of me is talking to the cashier.
Grandma: How is your family? I just saw your mom and she looks good.
Cashier: Everyone is great. My sister has gone back to college, it's her last year.
Grandma: What about your brother - I heard he was having a rough time.
Cashier: You know, he is doing much better. I think his problem was he was gay and in denial about it. Now that he has come out, he is much happier. I guess that is all it took.
{silence. Cashier stares directly at Grandma to see her reaction. About 10 seconds pass.}
Grandma: Good for him! I'm glad he is happy now. {Grandma leans in close to the cashier} You know, it's easy now a days to come out. All the gays should do it if it makes them happy.-----
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They say the country is divided almost 50/50 politically. Well, based on two conversations I overheard: older people in Maine represent the nation. Maine, a state with 2 moderate Republican senators, but primarily considered a Blue state.
Situation 1:
Walking by a group of older men sitting on a bench. They are the kind of guys who look like they should be fishing - the kind of guys who look like they would say "you can't get there from here" in that Maine (notably different from a Boston) accent.
Oldtimer 1: they say Kerry has raised more money from people in California than from Massachusetts.
Oldtimer 2: it's all those liberals out there! Geez!
{disgusted snorts all around from the old timers}
That and California is significantly larger than Massachusetts doesn't seem to occur to them.
Situation 2:
In line in the small town store - an older, grandmotherly woman in front of me is talking to the cashier.
Grandma: How is your family? I just saw your mom and she looks good.
Cashier: Everyone is great. My sister has gone back to college, it's her last year.
Grandma: What about your brother - I heard he was having a rough time.
Cashier: You know, he is doing much better. I think his problem was he was gay and in denial about it. Now that he has come out, he is much happier. I guess that is all it took.
{silence. Cashier stares directly at Grandma to see her reaction. About 10 seconds pass.}
Grandma: Good for him! I'm glad he is happy now. {Grandma leans in close to the cashier} You know, it's easy now a days to come out. All the gays should do it if it makes them happy.-----
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there was a difference between a hickey and a bite mark. I've been set straight!-----
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Just now in the ladies room I hear the person in the next stall having a whole conversation on her cell phone. Blah, blah, blah all about her day.. While I'm pondering how one can even manage that, she says: "can you hold on for a second?" This is followed by the sound of toilet paper holder jiggling, then a long pause, then a giant WHOOOSSSHHHH! After which she picks up the phone again and continues on. I was beside myself laughing at this. If you were the other person on the phone wouldn't you want to say: "perhaps you could call me back when you're done"? or "that is really not something I needed to hear"? But it gets better because then proceeds to put the phone down by th side of the sink and wash her hands with the person still on.
Seriously, when has multi-tasking gone too far?-----
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Wacky things I have experienced in the last 20 minutes:
- a truck with a the butt of a stuffed animal attached to it's hood to make it appear that there is an animal trapped inside engine. why?
- 3 different people with NY Yankees hats on.
- walking down the steps into the train station next to a woman with 2 small children, the street musician started to play the theme from the Flintstones. The adults were all humming along and a bunch just started singing.. from the town of Bedrock. They're a page right out of history.. etc. The kids just looked perplexed because they've probably never seen the Flintstones. Are they even still on?-----
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From time to time I check out what people search for to arrive at this site and I find something amusing every time. Today, it's that some ridiculously large number of people who speak German are searching for images of Doritos and ending up on my silly entry about Cool Ranch Doritos from ages ago.
Now, aren't you glad you read that? I'll be posting something even more mundane later, if it's even possible to come up with something worse.-----
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Yesterday I had two: back to the 80's experiences.
One of my co-workers who is the same age as I am have different opinions on the 80's. He relishes the era, calling it "the only time I was hip", I consider it a time of great akwardness that I'm glad has long past. But we do like some of the old tunes. Yesterday I answered the phone and I hear:
Under blue moon I saw you
So soon you'll take me
Up in your arms
Too late to beg you or cancel it
Though I know it must be the killing time
Unwillingly mine
ah.. Echo and the Bunnymen. We then launched into an extended conversation on the genius of Sophia Coppla, to whom I would like to give the "Best Use of a Jesus and Mary Chain song in a movie" award. Perhaps the only movie I've seen a Jesus and Mary Chain song used in, but whatever. Just Like Honey, baby..
Then last night at the gym, at the end of Step class we do abs. The teacher puts on a slow song and says: I bet no one remembers who sings this! The bubble above my head says: REO Speedwagon. But I don't dare admit that I know that outloud. No one else does, either. The teacher (who is hysterical) continues on to say she doesn't even want to tell us how old she was when this came out. But then goes on to tell say she was 19 and she had a boyfriend with a Trans Am and they used to drive around and play this song. HA! Imagine! Of course, then I realized that when this song was out, my big dream was to get to the day where I'd be old enough to have a boyfriend with a Trans Am and go around playing REO Speedwagon.
I feel I've come a long way since then.. :)-----
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but this time I'm the freak (sort of, I think... )
See, from time to time this guy gets on the train two stops after mine (the busy stop) and this guy looks like Gerry McNamara:
Only Gerry McNamara when he's in his early 30's. I don't know why, but I find this facinating and I have a tendency to stare at him - well, not openly stare, but check him out from time to time. Today he was wearing a trench coat and Ray Ban sunglasses. I almost didn't recognize him in this secret service agent like get up.
so hello gerry of the future from the girl you probably think is stalking you. but I'm not and I'm really not a freak. really.
thank goodness it's Friday because based on this post, I may need to seek professional help over the weekend.
bah!-----
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but this time I'm the freak (sort of, I think... )
See, from time to time this guy gets on the train two stops after mine (the busy stop) and this guy looks like Gerry McNamara:
Only Gerry McNamara when he's in his early 30's. I don't know why, but I find this facinating and I have a tendency to stare at him - well, not openly stare, but check him out from time to time. Today he was wearing a trench coat and Ray Ban sunglasses. I almost didn't recognize him in this secret service agent like get up.
so hello gerry of the future from the girl you probably think is stalking you. but I'm not and I'm really not a freak. really.
thank goodness it's Friday because based on this post, I may need to seek professional help over the weekend.
bah!-----
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Today I went to buy the Sunday paper and the store didn't have any because "someone burned them before the store opened'. Why would anyone do that?
Today I also discovered that if you put Coffee Mate in cold coffee it does not dissolve. I find that frightening for some reason.-----
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Last night my friends and I are driving towards the purveyor of adult beverages du jour when one of my friends says: I think the car in front of us has a tv in the front seat. We all lean forward to see and indeed, the car seems to have a tv built into the front dashboard. How could that possibly be a good idea? We all say: hmm and sit back. But it gets better. My friend then says: I think he's watching porn. Yes...I see breasts. We all lean forward again and yup, the guy is watching porn on a tv built into his dashboard while driving. yeah, that's a good idea. Of course, we are all transfixed watching the porn along with him. I was waiting for him to reach over and starting snacking on some popcorn or some kentucky fried.-----
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Someone reached my site by searching for "where do you put your penis when you have a boner".-----
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I've been rendered speachless (or write-less) by this site: the penis blog project. I think my favorite is the one in a top hat.. obviously he has personality, which is so important!-----
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Earlier today I wrote the cliche phrase: doesn't give a flying fig about... and ever since I've been wondering: what the frig is a flying fig and why would anyone care about it?
In case you can't tell, I really, really don't feel like working today.
** Update: I've done a little research on this and I still haven't found out what a flying fig is, but I did find this site: Origins of Phrases, which tells where other things we say everyday that don't make sense if you really think about them. I finally understand what 'For the Love of Pete' means!-----
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Do you consider yourself an "average" American male? efitness is sponsoring a "Joe Average" content. The "winner" receives a fantasy sports weekend in sunny Florida training like the Pros at Cris Carter's FAST Program* and dinner with a Miami Dolphins Cheerleader.
* What IS this? Obviously only something the average male would know about.-----
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I am one of the only people at work. Imagine my frowning face here.
On my way to work today I saw 2 interesting things:
1. A woman with stiletto heeled boots on
2. A woman with plastic bags around her feet, being held up by elastic bands around her ankles
And I think that's all I have to say about that...-----
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Today I went out to my car (which is still snow covered, of course).. and I noticed that someone had written words in the snow on most of the snow covered cars... they were all things like Enron, Iraq, Osama... my car said: Chandra.
David M attempts to find out, with a little help from FedEx. Ha!
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This morning I went down to the little store down the block to buy my Sunday paper. In the store is a college aged guy.. bed head, bleary eyed, stubbled, obviously wearing the clothes he wore the night before. So I'm thinking: ah.. the walk of shame (do they still call it that - am I totally unhip?), then I see that he is buying condoms. His night isn't actually over yet, I guess. I had to try so hard not to giggle. Rock on, dude.
at work is: Pootie Tang or Dude, Where's My Car? Which was worse???
Today in line at the grocery store I was both in back of and in front of idiots. The lady in front of me had about 100 items (in the 15 items or less line), after she pays, she just stands there looking between the bags and the checkout girl. The girl stares back at her. Finally we have this conversation:
Woman: Am I supposed to take these bags myself?
Checkout girl: yes
Woman: But I can't carry them by myself. (and she is looking at the checkout girl as if she is insane).
Checkout girl: well, you could put them in the cart and push it.
Woman: oh.
Checkout girl: (squinting at the woman, who no accent of any kind) Have you been in the United States long?
I almost died. I wanted to high five her, but I refrained.
Meanwhile the dufus behind me, who for some reason has a shopping cart, although the only thing he was buying was a candy bar, which he had eaten while in line. So he had a cart and an empty candy wrapper. And he keeps pushing the cart up and hitting me with it. Then he reaches across me and practically pushes me out of the way so he can get to a Dean Koonz novel on the stand. I was about to push him back he was so annoying, but again I refrained.
While shopping on Amazon, I have noticed that they now have an apparel section. But I had never looked closely at the new section where they tell you what types of clothes other people who are shopping for your book wear (though I have wondered how they know..). Today was the day that I looked closely and here is what I saw:

What does this mean? That among customers who wear clothes (and only those customers?), those who are interested in the same book I am, also enjoy clean underwear?! Excellent! I feel I'm in good company.
This has led me down a bizarre thought process: are their customers that don't wear clothes, in which case they don't need clean underwear (or cashmere sweaters or performance fleece or tommy bahama shirts, whatever those are). Is Amazon watching us to see if we're wearing clothes (and clean underwear)? Inquiring minds want to know!
Walking towards my apt. this evening I encountered 2 people standing on the seats of their SUV, hanging out of the sun roof dancing wildly and having a grand old time.. the song cranking out of their car: the Electric Slide. WHY?
I was looking up Christina Wodtke's new book on information architecture on amazon, and I noticed the "also shopped for items" list was a little odd:

what is Blubber doing there? Is there some non-obvious connection between books for pre-adolescent girls and information architecture?
Today there was a fire alarm in my building at work. When this happens there are flashing lights all over the floor and we get a PA droning on about evacuation. Naturally, I took the opportunity to go to the ladies room during all the excitement. When I walked in I was overwhelmed with a flashing light show as there are 3 blinking lights, all of which placed right next to the mirror creating a reflecting light extravaganza. wo. The effect is made even more bizarre by the fact that the faucets are operated via motion detectors, and something about the lights reflection set off the faucets. So it's a blinding light show and each faucet randomly turning off and on. I laughed so hard and then I realized I was going to go blind if I stared at these lights anymore, so I left.
(actually 2 conversations between 2 groups of 12 - 13 year olds)
Group 1
Girl 1: come on, tell us.. who do you think is cute?
Girl 2: (looks at floor and blushes)
Girl 3: I know who it is, I know who it is..
Girl 2: ok... well, I kinda think that guy Eric is cute, in a dorky kind of way.
Girl 1: Eric? I never did like that bastard.
Group 2
Boy: so you got the nose ring on the right side
Girl: yeah
Boy: good thing because if you got it on the other side, it means that you like girls*
Girl: no, I think if you get it on the left that means your gay and besides, it doesn't matter for girls.
Boy: sure it does
Girl: no it doesn't, girls can have nose rings where ever they want and it don't mean shit.
Things have changed a little since I was 12.. I'm left wondering if this girl means that the nose ring is on the left or right doesn't indicate hetero or homosexuality, or if she means it doesn't matter if a girl is hetero or homosexual.
* is this true? I'm out of touch with 12 year old culture
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Last night while visiting the liquor store, I was amused to notice a group of young men lined up to purchase (and I'm not kidding): 10 30 packs of Keystone Light. A more offensive beer can hardly be imagined. Their youthful excitement about the impending party was bursting off of them. "hey! I can't find the jagermiester" one of them yells out as he paces about the store. I look at my shoes so they don't see me laughing. Walking home I am behind them watching as each as a 10 pack balancing on their shoulder. 10 years from now they will call each other up and say: remember that party where we had 10 30 packs? ha! And Joe puked all over that girl... what was her name? Who cares? That was the best time ever!